I talked to a distraught husband yesterday. You see “up until three years ago, she was perfect!” Here is a statistic I wish I’d gathered data on as I’ve worked with women through the years. One of the most glaring evidences of sexual abuse is the woman who insists on perfection from herself. This is the woman who will be “the perfect wife, the perfect mother and even the perfect praise band leader.” Now I am NOT in anyway insinuating that all praise band leaders have been sexually abused. I am just saying that typically, a woman who not only needs but has to be perfect in every are of their life can oftentimes have unhealed sexual abuse in her past. Church is the “perfect place” for her to prove her worth.Trouble is, a person can keep the mask on and keep her world perfect for decades. However, when an event triggers her (usually with the emotions of powerlessness and invalidation)m she will slip back into her abusers world. Everything falls apart. She cannot escape her prison. She is trapped. Perfect doesn’t work anymore. As a matter of fact, there is no perfect place in her life. She is shattered, laying on the floor in a puddle. Her husband truly has no clue and wants desperately for his world to get back like it was.
Unprocessed sexual abuse is a gift that keeps on giving. The mask works for awhile. Eventually though, God will seek you and challenge you to see yourself as He sees you. A pure and spotless bride. You cannot reach this place through your own perfection or behaviors. Ultimately, your brokenness must be repaired by the Great Physician.