I find the deepest wounds in my clients are the one where the pain they are in is invalidated. Many times this is the case with those who are deeply depressed. Common reactions to depression are “get over it!” Just put a smile on your face, buck up, be grateful and keep charging ahead. This system of operation does work for awhile…but that is the problem…it’s only a band-aid for the deeper wound that continues to fester and grow deep inside the soul.
In cases of betrayal, I find that invalidation is the biggest part of the problem. So often I hear, “but I thought my husband was my best friend…he doesn’t get the pain I’m in.” Or, what about, “she has no idea how much she hurt me when she betrayed my confidences.” Yes, when we are in pain, we want and deeply desire those closest to us to “get it.”
Trouble is, our culture has trained us to avoid pain. We are the largest consumers of pain killers in the world. We medicate and avoid…we don’t look at the issues head on. Why would a spouse who has betrayed his marriage want to really face the pain he has caused his wife and/or family? Why would a friend want to feel the pain of their violation of trust? Really now…all these things are …well…way too painful to face.
It is in this place of not being invalidated over pain that our Savior leads the way. We don’t have to search scriptures very far to see that in His darkest hour before His very painful crucifixion His best friends, the ones who walked, talked and shared with Him slept. Three times He asked (begged?) them to “get it.” Three times his answer was the sound of their snoring. Yes, in our darkest hours…when we need others the most…this is the time the betrayals are so very wounding.