What I see so much for “women of trauma” is the complete disconnect in their hearts as to whether what they went through was traumatic or not. Once you start talking about the fact that what they went through in the past was unthinkable and the unthinkable was normalized, I can see the glazing over expression on their face.
You see, we get used to what we get used to. People living in prison camps “get used” to the circumstances and adjust. This is how they survive. Being hungry, frightened and abused becomes their normal state. So much so that this is what they learn to “do.” They don’t expect anything else. With the prospects so slim it hurts more to expect anything different. Thus in the soul becomes a sort of normalization of events to make them survivable.
I hear my clients saying over and over, “but it wasn’t really that bad was it? Am I over-reacting? Am I making this stuff up?” Over and over, clients try to come to grips with the reality of what they walked through and out of. Coming out into the light and looking truthfully at trauma is the first step to recovery. This is the first step and probably the most important step to healing.