I had three clients yesterday tell me that they “love their husband but they don’t like him.” I figured this was confirmation that I needed to send out a lifeline out there to other wives who must be in the “DLDL Club.” That’s the “do love, don’t like” club. Each plea ended with, “how do I do this, how do I keep from throwing in the towel.”
I am seeing so much stress on marriages these days. The stressors of time and money are putting so much weight on the families of today. I heard the desperation in the voices of these women who were needing to seeing significant change in their partners…and they need it right away.
Here was the advice I had to give them, encouraging them to understand that there will be seasons in our lives when things seem completely out of control and hopeless. How do you make it through these times when you are running out of gas (sometimes literally) and patience and even the ability to be in a friendship with your spouse.
1). Pray God would give you eyes to see yourself as He sees you. Sometimes we are needing too much from our spouse. When he is unable to give us what we need in our identity, then we lose hope. Ultimately, we have to see ourselves through the eyes of God. This gives us worth and help in time of need.
2). Pray God would give you “new eyes” to see your husband…even as He sees him. Ask God to show you your spouses emotional age even. You might be surprised. You may see in your “minds’ eye or heart” the vision of a little boy or an angry teenager.
3). Pray for your enemies. Hard to do, right. If it feels like right now your husband is your enemy, the very best thing you can do to “kick the real enemy” out of your relationship is to somehow gather enough resolve inside to pray for him. You will be surprised, as hard as it is, how much this will help you survive this difficult season. You will see changes in him and you that will surprise you.
4). Rest in the truth that “a battered reed, He will not break off and a smoldering wick He will not put out.” (Isaiah 42:3) If you are in this place of complete exhaustion and frustration, know that like Hagar in the desert, God, El Roi, sees you, knows you and is there to help in time of need. Be encouraged. Seasons do pass. Your heavenly Father sees your angst and He will intervene in the perfect way.